I have met people who say I am in touch with my emotions. I beg to differ, I am not. I do not know how to show how I feel, only that I do and that's not enough to show that I really feel that way. I have been in trouble for a long time now and I thought I could deal with it, WRONG. I only fixed part of it, I can only do so much. The other half I thought I could just come to terms with, forget and live with. But I can't you see, I can take as much as what people deem unnecessary. As long as there is no exact answer, there is a glimpse of hope for me.
I was told not to assume, but without exact answers all you can do is assume. Most of the time I assume for the worse but on some special cases I want to assume for the better. I know I mess up a lot and I know I threw my chances away, lost what could have been. I know what things I did can never bring back what has been and that I will end up alone in what I say here. I tried to forget, tried to live with things, but each time a smile passes me by. I can't help but think of what I did and how much love I have that won't see light.
No one has to believe what I say here, all of you could just dismiss it as drama. My words after all are created from a writers point of view. I know sometimes I blow things out of proportion, more so when it comes to romance. After all this time, i wanted to try, I remain a hopeless romantic. And now I have less days to change that but I am no longer allowed because of things I did.
I don't know what to think or say or do anymore. All I know are feelings that will be kept here with me and myself. What I have are all that's here with me nothing more... I never wanted to regret things... the present is all I lived for... but I can't do that now, my past haunts me and my future cripples me... so I am left with regret of things I didn't do, failed to do and couldn't do... And though all things say that I have no chances left...
One feeling remains in my heart, that I love you...
and everything feels so painful because of things I messed up...
*Feel the way you feel do not be swayed by my words because what I seek is the smile on your face that saved my life, do not feel anything but what you do. I envy what you've done and your strength. What you've shown me a long time ago will forever remain in me so I thank you, just thank you, be what you will and if you need me all you need is ask...
"I will walk each day looking for a reason and when there is no longer a need for me then I will lay myself to rest for time time to take its toll on a body that refuses to die" -the third lazarus
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