So pro lutz........

Today was...... a sucky day, nevermind why, it just was. Boring subjects and boring events = boring day. I spent the entire day waiting for nothing and I gave up time to see nobody. O yes and I feel like shit trying to console myself when I know there is nothing to console myself with. Hahaha! Noobcake, should've seen things coming, so pro!

When you want something so badly, you lose sight of things, specially when they oppose that of which you want. You fail to see signs of danger, fail to understand messages and hints of things you might not want to know, see or understand. This is why I always want people to be truthful to me no matter what. I am prone to this, I am prone to all these faults yet I allowed them to be. You want to know why? It's because I couldn't care less what I felt at a certain point and I probably still don't. People can take advantage of that but I don't care so long as they are close to me. So I want people to tell me how they feel about me or anything else I am concerned with. They need not worry specially when they already know how much I care about them.

Sometimes silence is gold but it can only be so when you've learned to understand that word are not the only way to speak and that silence is not silence when actions say otherwise.

I might think too much, I might be dramatic at times but I am only human and as such is prone to mistakes, misinterpretations and the like so make me understand.... Teach me to smile again... Ciao!

O so early...

I am blogging right now because I should have a 7:30 a.m class but it was cancelled. So now I have 6 hours, 6 HOURS of free time. Anyway my friendster account has a weird way of saying the right things at specific times and it always seems to get facts right about my life..... freaky..... but really it does. Anyway here's what was posted...

The Bottom Line

Today you'll achieve a fullness of life -- just for a moment -- that recharges you.
In Detail

It's not that you're not a philosophical type, it's just that if you see a problem, you like to do something about it. That's a great approach. But if the problem involves one of those more 'let's consider what it might all say about the human condition before we go changing anything' types, you could get frustrated. Do your best and, if you possibly can, try to appreciate their approach too.

Hmmmmm..... now why does that sound familliar? (you should know this) hahahahaha! (Anyway you dont have to tell me to wait, I will doesn't matter how long. But you have to give an answer doesn't matter what answer just an answer is good. ü ) Maybe because I was already told that.... these particular lines were already spoken to me, well maybe not exactly but the essence was the same so It's kinda freaky... Still it's entertaining to see that my horoscope actually is "factual" hahaha! not that I'm the really superstitious type....

And to my econ teacher.... WHY? Bakit ka nag free cut? Bakit ang late mo na sinabi? inaantok pa ko... pero gumising ako para magclass. Only to find out na FREE CUT , so pro, my head hurts. hahahaha! Mwah! Ciao! till the next post, zai jian!

It probably is me.....

I've been making a fuss lately over her[your] not texting me or replying and it hurt so much. I kept on thinking of things like why she[you] wouldn't reply and maybe she is[your're] ignoring me. And maybe she[you] changed I don't know why I thought that, maybe because we used to talk, we used to laugh and lately that hasn't been. So forgive me if I feel depressed like this. Anyway I talked to a friend about it and he told me maybe I'm the one that changed....... and I thought yea maybe it was me then I thought, it was me..... I keep saying we were friends first and we'll always be no matter what but I have been trying to tell her[you] more and maybe she's[you're] not ready for that, maybe she doesn't[you don't] want that, I don't know but I shouldn't keep pushing right? In the end it will always be her[your] decision. I don't need an answer now maybe some other time but whatever it is don't be afraid to be blunt I'd rather it be that way..... So I am sorry if I changed, if I push things, rush things but it's only because when I wasn't sure I was going to stay, I realised I had to tell her[you]. I didn't mean to push [her]you away with my words, I don't want to push her[you] away.... so sorry, really I am. Sorry for embarrassing her[you] countless times with my endless drama here and sorry if I have made her[you] uncomfortabe around me, that's the least thing I want to do.......

To the confidant that told me that maybe it was me.... thank you.... sometimes I lose sight of things that are so easy to see because I just want to see something I want.... no, need. Thank you so much for being patient enough to endure me blabber about my problems I know you have yours too....

Also to my lil sis thank you for everything. How you cheer me up when I am depressed is miraculous. It's amazing what ice cream can do when you're having it while talking to the right person. Sorry for bringing you into this mess I made, making you listen to me and my confused remarks. Thank you.

And to all other people there thank you for everything. I promise to be a little more cheery if there's such a thing for me. So I'm not depressed all the time.

Ciao!

sorry

sorry

Summer time.....

I'm here to stay.....
Then again, it doesn't feel like much.
I still feel lost or at least like I'm still missing something.

Nevermind I have summer classes. Two to be precise and my schedule is the bomb! I have eco102 at 7:30-9:00 A.M. and then flc at 1:30-3:00 P.M. NyaHaHAhAHhaHAHhHAhAhAHhaaHHaAHa! My schedule is so PRO! Damnit! Back to waking up so early in the morning.

One other thing I don't have any classmates from my block! whooopppeeeeeee solo mode for the summer. I don't even have anything to do or anyone to hang with during my FOUR HOUR, THIRTY MINUTE BREAK gawd I really have a nice schedule. On the upside though I'm still here to stay. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing though. I have more time to try and tell her[you] how I feel then again I'd just have as many more times to mess it up. Also hmmmm nevermind, not here.... hahahahaha!

Damn is already 6 hafta get ready for class!
TCCIC mwaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! hahahahahaha! Ciao!

"Appeals"

Well it's official now. I have to make letters of appeal because I did not meet the required qpi for this year. This really sucks because one, everything has been sucky lately and two she has[you have] not replied to any of my messages. I know, I might be paranoid, I know I just might be thinking too much but it would be nice to hear from her[you]. I don't know if I'll make it through this year, it's an appeal so there's a chance it won't be accepted. This bothers me not because it plain sucks but because well I won't have a chance to tell her[you] what I've wanted to, since the start of second sem. Another thing is that, well my enrollment for summer is on the 17th and deliberations are on the 18th so what does that mean? If my deliberations don't go well(I hope it does though) then what did I enroll summer for? It defeats the purpose of me taking up summer. Sigh* here I go again thinking too much.

[For her(you)]
You know, this wouldn't have been a problem weeks even months back. I was carefree, I didn't care and I just lived because I wanted to. You changed all that, you made me care, you made me want to be more, you made me think about what is to be....... THANK YOU. I don't know why you haven't been talking to me, replying to my messages but please, if you somehow stumble upon this I want you to know I love you. I might not be around next year so I want to tell you now. I'll call you later and I'll tell you, so please just listen and understand what I have to say. I'm sorry.... I really am but I need you to at least talk to me so that even if I don't make it I'd be glad because I met you, you changed me and I am thankful for that. I don't want to go on loose ends with you so please talk to me... please...

On another note I hope this doesn't happen I want so much to go on. I've been talking a lot about leaving already but the truth is I don't want to. And it pains me to go through this. I wish I hadn't screwed things up. I wish they'd give me another chance.....

If things don't work out this will probably be my last post here....
Ciao!

what's wrong?

What's wrong?
Please tell me...
You were so sweet...
And now,
You don't even bother,
To notice me...
I just want to know...
What you feel,
Like I said...
We were friends first...
And that will always hold true...
You don't have,
To keep things from me...
You should know by now,
I love you,
Even when you...
Won't love me...

So please just tell me...
You have nothing to lose...
Just a few minutes of your time,
and I'll be as I was if you want me to...

Suteki da ne

I've been listening to this song over and over again the past few days and I couldn't really get why. It just made me feel a certain way, like I was chasing after a dream. So I searched the net for the translation of the song and well here it is just see for yourselves....

Suteki da ne(japanese)
kaze ga yoseta kotoba ni
oyoida kokoro
kumo ga hakobu ashita ni
hazunda koe

tsuki ga yureru kagami ni
furueta kokoro
hoshi ga nagare koboreta
yawarakai namida

suteki da ne
futari te wo tori aruketa nara
ikitai yo
kimi no machi ie ude no naka

sono mune
karada azuke
yoi ni magire
yumemiru

kaze wa tomari kotoba wa
yasashii maboroshi
kumo wa yabure ashita wa
tooku no koe

tsuki ga nijimu kagami wo
nagareta kokoro
hoshi ga yurete koboreta
kakusenai namida

suteki da ne
futari te wo tori aruketa nara
ikitai yo
kimi no machi ie ude no naka

sono kao
sotto furete
asa ni tokeru
yumemiru

Isn't it beautiful(english)

My heart was swimming
in words gathered by the wind
My voice bounded
into a cloud-carried tomorrow

My heart trembled
in the moon-swayed mirror
Soft tears
spilled with a stream of stars

Isn't it beautiful?
If we could walk, hand in hand,
I'd want to go
to your town, your home, in your arms

I dream of being
against your chest
my body in your keeping
disappearing into the evening

Words halted by wind are
a gentle illusion
A tomorrow torn by clouds is
the voice of a distant place

My heart that had been
in a moon-blurred mirror that flowed
Those stars that trembled and spilled
cannot hide my tears

Isn't it beautiful?
If we could walk, hand in hand,
I'd want to go
to your town, your home, in your arms

My dream of
your face
that I softly touch
melts in the morning

Well that's that. Ciao!