Last night's memories

I went out last night to go to a concert. It wasn't as fun as I thought coz my family tagged along well they had a right to because they are after all part of the community that put up the fund raiser... anyway, perofomers Juan Pablo Dream and Sitti were there. Juan Pablo dream was cool but Sitti was late and the songs she sang weren't really appropriate for the occassion. (on a side note, Sitti looks better in person).

The night was turning out to be one of the worst nights ever when I met someone, she was extremely pretty and nice to boot she introduced me to other members and they asked me to visit them somtime at DLSU. We got to talking about stuff and I realized I wanted what they had right here in ADMU, so I'll be visiting them for tips and stuff more often I guess... I didn't get her name though... nevermind I have the names of the other Brods and Sis anyway, besides I'll see them when I visit. :)

Anyway, there were incidents then that I would rather not discuss but umm suffice to say that if people knew what I did they'd call me nuts. Couldn't help but just think about someone and text but I HAD NO LOAD... DAMMIT I HATE THIS SHIT... to make things worse well, I kept reading things that disheartened me about certain decisions I made... could You please stop...
So many things that must be discussed but cannot be said... ~empty~

P.S.
People often find them selves relating with what others say and show, treat me different, i have my own views and beliefs and i will live and die by them.

P.S.S.
I do believe that a person can complete someone, specially when that someone has lost something within... people don't always need to agree on everything though it would be nice if they did. Don't let people change who you are just because something is logical. It doesn't follow that what is logical is proper or correct, if people lose sight of the simplest and most important things what makes them people at all?

~hold my hand and tell me how you feel, my heart will listen to you and my mind will set you free~

I love you...

Just a thought...

For most people, what I will be posting here would make no sense at all so just skip this part and move on...

I saw a picture of mine a while ago (gateway anyone!?)... frankly I miss it, ever wonder why my smile looked so confused? It was because I was, well for the most part depressed but a bit more so than usual... then an invitation to take a picture was given... wow! I didn't know what face to put on hence the weird smile... Hahaha! I really, miss that... I miss a lot of things, things that really don't mean much to most people but have an entirely priceless worth to me(December 17, 2006, a receipt from previously Ice Monster store, and a whole bunch of other stuff including gift wrapper).

Call me stupid, it is after all my fault and after all that I see now, all I am is full of regret.
I used to say forget regret but I guess sometimes actions and mistakes you made, affect you so much you have to live with the regret for the rest of your life. Each night I sleep, I wake up to nightmarish versions of answers that I am terrified of... I am so messed up...

~I made a promise to myself last night and I know I don't keep promises I make to myself very much but this one I intend to keep~
~a promise to be the last no matter what~
~I'll have to live that~

yo corazón habla pero un nombre

kahit tablado ako
kahit masakit
kahit ano pa
ikaw pa rin ang mahal ko
pero kung sasabihin mo lang
isang iglap kaibigan lang muli ako

All over again

Remember when I said that alcohol doesn't make you say things that are incoherent, it makes you say the things you are afraid to say. Well I am drinking now, and well I have to say this. I love laughing with you and spending time with you, something that lately I have not done much of. I must say I was trying to avoid because I did not know where I stood. Anyway two nights ago you made me think again, laugh and smile, we were having fun pairing someone up and I was happy you were smiling and everything was great. But it made me think, right now I am thinking, that night made me fall in love with you all over again, not that I ever lost love for you. I was soooo happy that night, like a lot of things couldn't possibly matter and those few hours I just wished I could prolong. Sadly, they are just memories now and I can't do anything but hold on to them as I do now. How our friend said LQ, how you hit me at a slight joke I uttered about you or how we walked together as we talked about the lovely pair of m**** and j****. Even when I stayed with you till you got a taxi and went home, I wished time would stop. And when it proceeded all I could do was sigh.

Have I told you what people said to me that night? They said i should have taken you home. That I should have made sure you were safe... they were right and I couldn't answer. The truth is, I wanted to do that, to stay with you just a bit longer because I just fell for you one more time... But I had no right to impose, people know and I am not denying it, I love you and I still do but to do something like that might not have been to your liking. You are a strong girl and you have little need for what I can give but I will so long as I can. Do you understand? I am not up to par with you and I can't help but think that you see me nothing more as a friend. And so I try to stay that way, but when things like that night happen and I fall all over again I don't know what to think anymore. And sometimes I don't want to anymore because I will not know where I stand. But I will always be around for you, I will not offer because I think I have no right to but I will always oblige if you ask me to because I love you and I am confused, I am far from what you are but I love you nonetheless, so I can't possibly impose, shouldn't or am I wrong? I dream that I am wrong but dreams are just dreams still it doesn't change the fact that I fell for you once and all over again and you never even noticed it...

Am I talking non-sense? If I am, then please by all means ignore me.
Ciao! and take care I LOVE YOU...
Time to sleep and hopefull just dream...

of course its not really anna i'm talking about

I long to tell you
How much I need you
If I can find the words to say
I never have to feel this way
Not knowing just what to do when I’m with you

My friends they tell me
That I shouldn’t hurry
Everything keeps goin’ strong
‘Coz you keep it going on
Though i have to say how much I love you

[chorus]
Oh Anna can’t you tell and see
What you’re doing to me
Oh Anna this feeling I just can’t hide
Keeps driving me wild
Oh Anna I need you here with me
I wish you could be
Oh Anna won’t you stay with me

Your eyes, they look through me
Your smile they fools me
I never thought I’d love again
But this time I hope it never ends
I have to let you know
I love you

[repeat chorus 2x]

Oh… Anna

[repeat chorus to fade]

(and so lives a name in acil)

Somehow I knew

There are certain things that somehow I just knew. I wasn't told nor was I given clues, I just knew. Somehow I wanted to disprove myself, wanted to believe I was wrong. So even when I knew, I ignored. And now that I see I really am wrong and that I was disillusioned I still keep on. Why because simply it is my decision, my life, my feelings and though it makes me teary eyed right now I have to accept. One thing I wish though, I wish someone had told me...

So am I still waiting?
Do I still love?
Am I still here?
Yes, I am
Here always
Just waiting
Specially when I am needed
I am here
That is why I wait
Because I love
I remain

~tears~
(again I cleanse my black soul)

~Love as a decision~

I remember talking about love with someone. I was told that it was not a feeling but a decision. And I disagreed with all my heart because if love was indeed a decision then you can turn it on and of as easy as you flick a light switch. All you'd have to do is decide. I said love was a feeling, not a feeling that comes and you just say you are in love but a feeling that allows you to be. A feeling that allows you to act for someone, not always for the better but always with an intention meant for the good.

Of course now I know I wasn't completely right. Now I know that sometimes love becomes a decison for so many reasons. However I do know of one. Love becomes a decision at the loss of the feeling. People say that feelings fade without constance. If you love yet you do not show it or if you are in love yet not one of you show it then sooner or later it fades and at times it will disappear. Just like normal things you do if you don't practice them, sooner or later you forget. This is where the decision comes in, allow love to remain a feeling and let it slip away or turn it into a decision. Choose the latter and you make love dormant but it won't slip away. It's just there, you decide that you really love and thus will not allow certain events to hinder that love. It becomes a decision, that you love even when all else turns against you. Why? because you hope that sometime in the future that love will be noticed and that feeling that remained dormant will be awakened.

Of course there is no assurance that it will be noticed and awakened but then does it really matter? You already made a decision. So you stand by it, love then becomes just a decision.

It may be confusing because I am narating it. But If you come across a time when you doubt feelings remember these words and see for yourself will you make a decision or allow it to just fade?

[so is stand here decisions made and i know not what will be. i am apprehensive of feelings i am to feel when everything starts to move again. i've made my world stop when everyone elses kept moving, so i was left behind]

~I am so sorry~
~I wish I was more~

Jeon ji Hyun Must say Goodbye mv

CHORUS
All things end
so my friends
we to shall be parting
moments shared
slowly drift into memories
but with time on our side
one day we'll be together
until then, we must say good-bye

thank you for the happiness
we've shared a long the way
may it be a constant friend
each hour everyday
may the songs we sang together
live within our minds
sweet memories of joy and love
untouched by age or time

CHORUS
all things end so my friends
we to shall be parting
moments shared
slowly drift
into memories
but with time on our side
one day we'll be together
until then we must say good-bye

until then we must say good-bye
until then we must say good-bye

~still do~

Every time I try to think otherwise you come along and I realize I LOVE YOU, still do and will do for who knows how long. So I am not angry, not when you are two hours late, not when you could care less, not when you forget... I am not angry, most specially when you ask me because those times I see you care and then on those moments I feel special, how can I be angry then? Understand that I LOVE and sometimes I may come of as angry but I am not, hurt perhaps but not angry. So even when I know not anymore what is and is not outside me. On thing remains, I love and I know because when I smiled yesterday, you caused it. It may have been a slap, you might have been "really" angry, but know that I wasn't, nor was I angered... I was partly happy... thank you...

~mixed emotions~ confusion!?

I have met people who say I am in touch with my emotions. I beg to differ, I am not. I do not know how to show how I feel, only that I do and that's not enough to show that I really feel that way. I have been in trouble for a long time now and I thought I could deal with it, WRONG. I only fixed part of it, I can only do so much. The other half I thought I could just come to terms with, forget and live with. But I can't you see, I can take as much as what people deem unnecessary. As long as there is no exact answer, there is a glimpse of hope for me.

I was told not to assume, but without exact answers all you can do is assume. Most of the time I assume for the worse but on some special cases I want to assume for the better. I know I mess up a lot and I know I threw my chances away, lost what could have been. I know what things I did can never bring back what has been and that I will end up alone in what I say here. I tried to forget, tried to live with things, but each time a smile passes me by. I can't help but think of what I did and how much love I have that won't see light.

No one has to believe what I say here, all of you could just dismiss it as drama. My words after all are created from a writers point of view. I know sometimes I blow things out of proportion, more so when it comes to romance. After all this time, i wanted to try, I remain a hopeless romantic. And now I have less days to change that but I am no longer allowed because of things I did.

I don't know what to think or say or do anymore. All I know are feelings that will be kept here with me and myself. What I have are all that's here with me nothing more... I never wanted to regret things... the present is all I lived for... but I can't do that now, my past haunts me and my future cripples me... so I am left with regret of things I didn't do, failed to do and couldn't do... And though all things say that I have no chances left...

One feeling remains in my heart, that I love you...

and everything feels so painful because of things I messed up...

*Feel the way you feel do not be swayed by my words because what I seek is the smile on your face that saved my life, do not feel anything but what you do. I envy what you've done and your strength. What you've shown me a long time ago will forever remain in me so I thank you, just thank you, be what you will and if you need me all you need is ask...

"I will walk each day looking for a reason and when there is no longer a need for me then I will lay myself to rest for time time to take its toll on a body that refuses to die" -the third lazarus

~Unimportant~

~self explanatory~

why write when it's not important?
then again why bother to say it's unimportant when it is?
because you want it to be known even just the slightest bit...

Angels with clipped wings

There are as I have said before angels who have only one wing those that could soar when they've found their partner. Then they could fly hand in hand. I never said anything about those angels with clipped wings, angels who are left wandering the earth, looking for people to help but cannot fly themselves. Left to be undesirable they accept their fates but detest the fate of those who follow in their footsteps. These angels if you could call them that contest misfortunes that befall another person. They prevent at most, anything that could cause another to feel or worse become one of them. To be an angel with clipped wings is not something they would have shared because it entails pain.

Once in a while though they feel like they are as human as humans are. But then again realize they're not. These angels are far from what we see as saviors they risk their own for someone to feel again. They are tough as beasts but only so much to protect themselves. They are frail as they have nothing to hold them up when they try to soar.

Are they capable of soaring? Yes, they are. They have potential that isn't tapped because of many things but they are capable. You ask them to do things for you and in a glance they can oblige but not once have they done it for themselves? How can they not be capable when they produce more for others than what the eye can see? Because they don't find a need to.

They live alone because fate has told them to do so. They are separated because that is the life they know. But if you approach them they'd give their life to you. You want to see what they are capabe of? Then look at them not with prejudice. Look at them with eyes that inquire, not question.

All they need is to be told of importance. What it means to be important, how it feels to be important so their clipped wings don't feel as much a burden as it is.

I'm no angel but I know to feel important is something all people should get to experience. Once in a while it saves llves just knowing at one point you meant something, you were someone and you made a difference. What good is a life when it's spent with just bitterness? It might be hypocritical of me to say that but I've only been special a few times in a lifetime I've been not.

So if someone asks, answer because an answer shows a bit of attention that comes with the care. It's ok to wait but don't keep hanging...

[Confused? So am I... But I'm taking your advice... I don't know how late it is and if you'll ever notice. It might not even make a difference but at least I know what might have been. I'm sorry if still I am weird and off, like I said I'm fixing things. Sorry for pouring out things you need not worry about, they are after all my problems. When I'm done I'll ask again, maybe then you'll finally see or hear the question I've been asking for a very long time... I miss you and I love you... I hope aside from knowing that you believe it, because it's true, it probably is one of the few that are...]

~regression~

Continued depression...

After posting my thoughts last night, after an hour and thirty minutes my parents finally arrived to fetch me... They gave me a long lecture on going home early and I was thinking if that was all they were going to do I would have just commuted home... I mean waiting for almost two hours and ending up being lectured isn't exactly the thing I am looking forward to after an entire day gone wrong. So I cried myself to sleep, yes I cry... I am after all human...

Today I am here in katipunan hoping to eat out, wrong move seems I won't be going anywhere... Stupid me, mali nanaman ako... lagi naman e, mali na nga ako pinahihirapan pa ako ng buhay, kailan ba ako tatama? Anyway dito na lang ako sa katipunan prolly till 4 kung wala ako kasama well bahala na...

Sagot sa tanong "bakit sa accounting..."
Kasi nalilito ako...
Hindi ko alam kung ayaw mo o gusto...
Kapag ikaw lang, andyan sila...
Kapag andyan sila,
hindi ko malaman kung naiirita ka,
o natutuwa ka...

Pagkakamali ko naman yun e,
Wag mo nang isipin...

"Being taught to be humble when you already
are only makes you feel unworthy of anything"

Dahilan sa pagi-iisip, rason para mabigyan katuturan ang mga nagawa at ginagawa ko. Pero ang totoo mali pa rin ako. Sabihin ko man na ganyan ako nakikita ko pa rin ang mga mali ko, kaya ganyan nga ba talaga ako? Kung alam ko at nakikita ko na ang mga bagay na ipinagkakaila ko sa sarili ko. Kung nararamdaman kong hindi pero may oo ano nga ba ang dapat na sundin ko? Nawawala na ako at nasisiraan na ng ulo, pero iisa pa rin ang nasa ulo ko, mali pa rin ako...

P.S.
To wait forever for nothing can be called stupidity, I call it patience for it teaches you to wait for things you can not foretell...

Ciao!

Itadakimasu... not

I was suppossed to eat out, but for some particular reason it was cancelled. My fault, to damn sensitive... I hate it when this happens, I end up drinking without anything in my stomach and now it hurts like hell. I hate it when I look forward to something and is disappointed but in this case it is MY fault... stupid! I waited for nothing, Sigh* I just wanted to eat out, was that so hard to ask? why is destiny intent on giving me a hard time? have I done fate wrong? I miss a lot of things and I miss you more than anything and I'm not making any sense but maybe if I was given some time I would... I'm honest enough to admit everything, anything to show you...

God give me a break, at least let my tears fall down my cheeks...
You make me cry so often I don't realize I already am...

Ciao!

Accounting

I'm suppossed to be attending accouting but I'm not...
Why? because I'm scared...
Of what? The subject?
No, Something else...
What? Something no one would understand...

Hell hath no fury like the storms of the clouds. Lightning will scorch you and thunder will deafen you. The winds winds will gash you but the rain, the rain will wipe the blood away and comfort you...

So why are you scared?
Because I just am...
I am not magic, I am prone to pain...
No matter how hard my shell is...
Inside I am still too soft...

Coincidence of clouds

I am a person who loves the rain. Even when it rains I don't use an umbrella. I guess I can say I love the clouds too. Because clouds are the reason behind rain, well and sunshine too. The beautiful clouds that are ever so busy moving around the skies.

I do however hate, no dislike the way clouds tend to deceive me. She shines and then suddenly pours like she's angry at you for no apparent reason. She darkens and makes you anticipate rain when suddenly it becomes sunny. She's erratic and even more so nowadays, and I got sick because of it.

Clouds play with me like I am a toy, with no regard for me. Sometimes she just soaks me when I need to be dry, no problem, I love the rain but it causes me trouble because I need to bring stuff that aren't suppossed to get wet.

Why do the clouds have to be so hard to predict. Sometimes she smiles at you with all her graces and in a split moment she frowns and pours. Then again I guess life is just like that... I still love clouds though, and I still love rain...

Ciao!

Cooking

I've never been one to cook for myself, I've always found it extremely fullfiling to cook for other people. When I am alone however It's not something I'd want to do. I guess it has something to do with receiving compliments for cooking good food or people asking for tips or recipes. But that's just part of it. The larger part comes from seeing people love what you made, what you cooked. What will I get from cooking for myself? Will I smile and satisfy myself... no unless I really am a nut case. So why cook for myself, why exert effort for me? Is there a point to it?

Tell you what if you have an answer just post it...
I still can't find the answer...

Smiles they keep me living specially the ones from you...
Ciao!

Dido - White Flag

nu amum laeng...

more songs to listen to...

random songs

more sounds to listen to, you dont even have to download them just wait for the page to load and buffer.... of course these are just instrumentals....

Scared!?

I am scared...
I wasn't but now I am...
Scared of things
that are happening...
Scared of things
that do not occur...

What happened to me...
I've lost myself...
Lost in things
that can be explained...
Lost in things
That are inevitable...

I got into too many things...
So many that eat up my time...
Into things
that are of no value...
Into things
that I value...

I got so busy...
I forgot to breathe...
So busy
I forgot you...
So busy
I forgot I found myself in you...

That is why I am scared...
Scared of so many things I never used to...
Courage left me
and I found you...
Fate shaped me
now I'm scared of losing you...

Here's to you for reminding me that I am only human, for reminding me
I am alive. For helping me find myself in what I have lost, I thank you.
My actions sometimes depict otherwise but I love you, I don't care what
anybody says. You've been so patient with me... specially when I sat idly
with nothing to do... I still don't know how I'll show it but believe me
I love you... I'll keep on, even if there are a thousand ways failed to
prove it. I'll keep on till I find that one that makes you smile and say
"he does love me"...

The Scanty I love you

j-pop mode

Lyrics to the song below

I'll always love you
by: nina

Standin' by my window
Listening for your call
Seems I really miss you after all
Time won't let me keep these sad
Thoughts to myself

I just like to let you know
I wish I'd never let you go

And I'll always love you
Deep inside this heart of mine I do love you

And I'll always need you
And if you ever change your mind
I'll still I will love you

Wish you never left me
But love's mystery
You can break a heart so easilly
The days and nights reveal
How much I feel for you
Time has come for me to see
How much your love has meant to be
And I'll always love you
And if you ever change your mind
I'll still I will love

Time like a river keeps on going right on by
Nothing left for me to do
So I watch the river rise

Repeat Chorus

i'll always love you

love this song, keichi and belldandy are so cute together.... (wahahahahaha that was so gay) :))

yipes! misconceptions...

just to clarify, the video i just posted has nothing to do with how i feel or my state of. :P hahaha i just really liked the video, as you can see i like FF AMV's. so to all those reading thanks for reading! hahaha!

p.s. ACIL is fun if you know someone during the meetings and assemblies (laughable but true)

Ciao!

Miss You

I miss you, It's crazy to pretend that I don't think of you...

Anastasia Soundtrack Lyrics

Journey To The Past
Aaliyah


Heart don't fail me now
Courage don't desert me, don't turn back now that were here
People always say life is full of choices
No one ever mentions fear
Or how the road can seem so long
Or how the world can seem so vast
Courage see me through
Heart I'm trusting you, on this journey to the past...

Somewhere down this road, I know someone's waiting
Years of dreams just cant be wrong
Oh arms will open wide, I'll be safe and wanted
Finally home where I belong
Well starting here my life begins
Starting now I'm learning fast
Courage see me through
Heart I'm trusting you, on this journey to the past

Heart don't fail me now
Courage don't desert me (courage see me through...)
Home, love, family; there was once a time I must have had them too
Home, love, family; I will never be complete until I found you (heyyy)
One step at a time
One hope then another
Who knows where this road may go?
Back to who I was
On to find my future
Still my heart still needs to know

Yes let this be a sign
Let this road be mine
Let it lead me to my past
Courage see me through
Heart I'm trusting you
To bring me home
At last (hold out note)
At last (hold out note)

Ooohhh (courage see me through, heart I'm trusting you)
Hey yeah (heyeah...)
Hey yeah (yeah...ooowhoah...)
Courage see me through, heart oh heart I'm trusting you

till they take my heart away...

dapat nag-aaral ako pero nalito ako bigla sa text mo...
nagreply ako out of impulse...
ganun ako ka-inlove sayo...
automatic gusto ko makakareply ako kapag nakita ko na ikaw ang nagpadala ng txt...
pero hindi ka na nagreply at nawala ako, nang magsink in na ang lahat...
hindi ko alam kung ano ibig sabihin nun...
ngayon hindi ako makapag-aral...
naalala ko na lang bigla yung kanta sa national nung naghahanap tayo ng box...
hahaha corny, drama nanaman...
tama na, post ko na lang yung lyrics...
yung mga nagbabasa diyan makikanta na lang kayo...

"Till they take my heart away"

I'm looking to your eyes, so far away
There's trouble in your mind
You're losing faith
Hey now, let me hold you
It'll be okay!
Coz I will love you
Till they take my heart away.

Remember when you called
And said goodbye
We thought we'd lost it all
And so did I
Even if I lost you
I would feel the same
Coz I will love you
Till they take my heart away.

Believe in me
I'm here to stay
I will love you
Till they take my heart away.

Now we're stronger than before
We've made it throught
I never felt more sure
Because of you
Hey now! Are you listening?
Do you hear me say
"I will love you
Till they take my heart away!

that's it...
bye and goodnight...
goodluck sa lahat ng nakapag aral sa accounting...

Confessions of a crazed mind...

I was thinking of what other orgs to join and ... figured I might as well join what she[you] suggested. Anyway I asked to be accompanied but turns out that people were busy so I hust went and registered. A guy there asked who got me to join and i mentioned the name. Suddenly one of the people there, asked who the person I was reffering to is. And from behind me, a guy suddenly replies "yung maganda" and then they start talking as if I wasn't there... the guy had so many ummm good comments about her[just so you know, he was talking about you] and then my mind started thinking and I said to myself don't go there but I did. Anyway, at the end of it, when I was done with registering the guy gives one last comment and it got stuck in my head...... he said "tell her she's hot"...... and I didn't know what to reply so I just smiled, took my stuff and proceeded to walk.

Now what does this have to do with me being crazed? Well this event has had me thinking again for quite a while. I know I think a lot and sometimes it borders on paranoia but I can't help it so just bear with me. As you very well know I speak little spanish and can understand as well. So here's the deal, the event above has left me wondering so much about certain topics. Does the guy "like" you? Do you "like" him? Is that the reason why you look blooming? Why does this affect me so much? Does the fact that I love you come into play? Was I the one you were talking about or was it him? I am soooooo confused and it's driving me insane. Sorry if it sounds so shallow but as I have said before, I am insecure, I know I am not a whole lot of things. Anyway I know it's not suppossed to be any of my business or is it? I'm getting the feel from you that it's not suppossed to be. But it affects me just as well, you want to know why? because love makes you want to think in the positive way even when a whole lot seems negative. Now do I sound crazed? maybe...

I'll be having my interview later... and who knows what new things I might hear, not that I'm looking forward to it. It's just I notice small things and try to put things together, it's in my nature to be ummm observant.

In other news... I failed my first MA19 LT for the second time... GG ka Lutz!!! This happened after the events above and well just made my day ummm (in a sarcastic tone) GREAT!. Now I'm just waiting for the practice game with the ©boys to at least lessen my stress. Even if it's just by a tiny fraction. (if events allow me to talk to you though I'd give all this up, just so you'd know.... but I guess thats a long shot isn't it?)

Sigh* now I'm depressed hope this doesn't stay too long you might say I'm a loner again... haha! maybe I am... hmm perhaps there is truth to my guidance test result after all... then again maybe I am just jealous eventhough I shouldn't be... see how absolutely insane I am? hahaha i should stop now, this has gone on too long and I am reaching the point of snapping! Ciao! and tc to all of you! MWAH!

Imagine Me Without You

speechless

music......

music, not tonight all i want is to be at peace...
silence...

lea esto, esto es para usted

para usted

Perdone mi deletreo y la gramática que yo no soy demasiado bueno en esto...
ignore todo más pero mi descripción...

SBC PACKERS (wahahahaha)

panoorin niyo to nakakatawa....

SBC PACKERS

pang pinoy ang laugh trip... hehe

I can't sleep...

not a day goes by

i give my heart

i finally found someone

just one touch

dreaming of you

Unrequited love

tears put me to sleep at last...

LOST, conversations with myself...(psycho na ba?)

****:
lutz asan ka na?
bat nawawala ka?
san ka ba nagpunta?
at saan mo balak pumunta?
Lutz:
doon sa may ilog
gusto ko sanang kalimutan na
hindi ako si lutz
ako si noel sasama ka pa ba?
****:
hindi ba ikaw si lutz?
ako si noel
ano ka ba?
nasisiraan ka na ba?
Lutz:
palagay ko malapit na
nawawala na nga ako
hindi ko alam
kung saan hahanapin ang sarili ko
Noel:
paano na ako?
kung wala ka na?
hindi ba mawawala rin ako?
ikaw at ako ay iisang tao
Lutz:
ewan ko
nalalabuan na rin ako
sana lang magkaliwanagan tayo
hindi na ako si lutz
Noel:
kung hindi na
sino ako?
Lutz:
ikaw?
sino ka nga ba?
Noel:
sabihin mo sa akin yun
kinuha mo ang lahat sa akin
Lutz:
lahat?
anong lahat?
Noel:
lahat ng bagay
lahat ng masaya
Lutz:
pwera sa isa
sa iyo siya napunta
Noel:
ha?
anong ibig mong sabihin?
Lutz:
wala tama na
wala na akong posisyon pa
Noel:
teka saan ka pupunta?
hindi pa tayo tapos mag...
Lutz:
paalam na
paalam...

sadness is not seeing you smile

malunkot ako dahil tulala ka
malunkot dahil hindi ka masaya
malunkot dahil bihira na lang kitang makasama
malunkot dahil sa klase na lang kita nakikita

malunkot dahil hindi tayo nagkakaintindihan
malunkot dahil hindi kita naabutan
malunkot dahil yung pagiisip ko wala nang katuturan
malunkot dahil tahimik ka minsan

pangako huli na to
hindi na ako paiiwan
pangako ko sa akin at sa'yo
gagawin ko na ang kailangan

mahal kita
mahal kita
paumanhin
mahal kita

tears

tears are important
they cleanse the soul
they allow you a release of pain
they lighten the weight on your shoulders
and give you time to recover

but what if you've lost the ability to cry
then you can't release pain
you can't cleanse your soul
you burden yourself with weight
and you will always have to carry that

sooner or later you'll break
you won't be able to take anything
and you'll be a shell humanity
you won't be human

just an empty shell
nothing more
until someone teaches you
you can't forget to cry

and they teach you what pain is
and suddenly you can cry again
and you can live again
but then you want it to be with them

.....I'm going to stop now, my head hurts
Ciao!

peacock.......

If you were an animal....

I answered I wanted to be a peacock, I want to be beautiful...
But I am not, I am a complex mess of imperfection
And the little good I strive to find in me, I find with you
So could anyone find me at fault for falling for you?

I write these here... because, yes I want to be distant.
Not because I want to be far from you, God knows how much that would kill me.
It's because I am afraid to be hurt, specially because I know I could be.
I am, though I shouldn't be...

I want things to be so much simpler than they are
All the things i've said, every single one
was meant to make things easier not harder
forgive me if they just complicated things...
I meant them though every single one...

About a day ago, I saw you...
You were so beautiful, it was hard to say anything to you
and when I finally did... you just passed by, haha LOSER
so I ended up not saying anything after that
Later on it was just goodbye...
... and another goodnight and sweet dreams

So its my fault being as stupid as I am
to keep distant, to not say things personally
I want to but every chance I get always seems to be messed up
And its confusing me more and more

So there, no editing, no censor
no unidentifiable words or characters that have to be deciphered,
no puzzles, just plain english that can be understood.
laugh, go ahead I don't mind.

I don't want to keep this in riddles
I don't want to keep playing
I just want peace of mind, help me....

Ciao!

orsem......not

I had gone through the training and setup days for orsem yet surprisingly I did not attend any of the orsem days themselves. Hmmmmmm, guess I felt it wasn't worth it after all. Well thats what you'll come to understand when you don't get into the comm you want when you came so early to reg and then to make things worse you don't know anyone in the new comm you were given. So you end up feeling miserable. But hey that's life, can't blame life for being shitty it just is.

Now I'm stuck doing nothing but the net, sometimes nothing at all and I end up thinking again (hmmmm maybe orsem wasn't such a bad idea). Nothing I can do though, just let it be. Things like this happen, [I'm not angry just depressed] I want so much for things to be right but it seems I'm stuck with everything that's wrong. I can only do so much but I'll keep on doing it to make things bearable for..... hahaha! (see me smile I aint angry) then again that's just me with a smile painted on my face. wark! I'll just post lyrics to a song I heard in a taxi going home from last saturday's orsem setup and signups. (look I can smile I am not angry, hahaha see the trend here?)

I'll never go
by: MYMP
(but the version I was listening to in
the taxi was the older one, dunno who sang it though)

You would always ask me
Those words i say
And telling me what it means to me

Every single day
You always act this way
For how many times i told you
I love you
For this is all i know

Come to me and hold me
And you will see
The love i give
For you still hold the key

Every single day
You always act this way
For how many times i told you
I love you
For this is all i know

Chorus:
I'll never go far away from you
Even the sky will tell you
That i need you so
For this is all i know
I'll never go far away from you

Come to me and hold me
And you will see
The love i give
For you still hold the key

Every single day
You always act this way
For how many times i told you
I love you
For this is all i know

Chorus
I'll never go far away from you
Even the sky will tell you
That i need you so
For this is all i know
I'll never go far away from you

Chorus 2x


p.s.
Understand yet?
I'm around for keeps
Doesn't matter what I am
If it puts a smile on your face it's enough

Ciao!

Reminiscent of third year high.......

I was ummm sorting through some of my stuff last night and I came across an old notebook of mine. It was a green filler with so much grafiti inside. There were no notes, no equations, just a bunch of signs and symbols...... until the last few pages where I found a few entries..... here's one of them......

"Once I fell in love with a girl and she fell in love with me. Months passed and time went by and I just wished that every moment would last an eternity. But fate would not have it. Weeks passed and I still loved her but something changed, I no longer knew if she still felt the same way about me. Everything was different again. I felt empty and the void inside me had come back, only this time it was twice as large. She had taken with her a huge part of me and I could never take that back. That's when i realized, I truly loved her but such things are meant to last. Happiness is superficial and like any other thing it fades away leaving but painful memories..."

Can you imagine how I felt back then? Sure it may sound emo but back then was there even such a thing? Can you imagine how it feels to love and not be loved back, to lose something you held so dearly because you were left with no choice. I became bitter after that.... Always writing so sad, keeping everything to myself. I fell in love once or twice more but it wasn't really love. I tended to them and cared for them only so that they could find what they were really looking for. Up till a few months ago that was how I live and up till weeks ago I didn't want to admit I was falling in love again..... But it doesn't matter now because I already am. And it may sound cliche to say but it doesn't matter how things end. What matters is now the memories that will be, I'd give everything for these moments to last forever and if they don't then I'd be glad they hapened anyway.... Life is too short to be regretting....

Hahahahaha so emo..... thought lang sumaksak sa utak ko yan kahapon. Ba't naman kasi kailangan makita ko pa ang notebook na yun. Hahaha! (hmmmm kung nababasa mo to seryoso talaga ako sa sinabi ko) :) Ciao!

Gising na, harapin ang umagang maganda....

No more hiding...

The name of the game is "If I ask would you say yes?"

If I ask what you want you'd say "kaw na bahala" or "kahit ano"
If I asked if you'd like drinks you'd say no
If I asked if you'd like anything else you'd say no
If I asked you a question you'd set it aside
If I asked you to go with me you'd say "pwede bang kasama siya?"

I don't mind
It's just that it gives me a hard time trying to speak
It gives me a hard time trying to say what I've long wanted to say
Because suddenly I am conscious and things run through my mind
And then time passes by and I realize I let my chance slip away again

So forgive me if I just blurt it out
Just say it out loud
Forgive me because I can't find the right time or place
So forgive me if one day I'll just hold your hand
and say I love you Liz....

You should know by now...

"You should know by now"

You ought to know by now
Love is the look in my eye
Lovin’ the way you smile when I say
“I wish you would stay”
You bring out all the youth in me
I laugh and cry out all the truth in me
Out of love
You should know by now

Haven’t you felt by now
Just what it’s like to be loved
Knowin’ that certain touch when you’re sure
Time won’t give you more
You bring out all the best in me
I wanna hold you till you feel t he need somehow
You should know

That if I could just find the words
I wouldn’t be left so lonely
I’m your one and only
Then I’d show you how

Every move as smooth as silk
Say you will
Baby, say you will

Hasn’t it crossed your mind
Haven’t you known all this time
Honestly tell me now, has it shown
How much love has grown
The way I tremble at the sight of you
I wanna learn to love you through and through
This I’ll beg
You should know by now

You should know by now…
You should know… by now…
You should know I love you
You should know by now

And off to my class I go.... Ciao! :)
(It's weird, I just saw you yesterday but I miss you! hahahaha!)

Wanted: wallet ni Lutz

WAAAAAAAA! Umaga na po ng sabado at hindi pa ako natutulog. May training pa kami mamayang 7:30 a.m. at hindi pa ako nagpapahinga. Karamihan ng nangyari ngayong araw, walang kwenta! (Hi!........ hello!.................. bye! SHUTDOWN!!! lutz you noobcake!) Ano pa ba, ummmm dalawang beses nag fatal error ang aking pc habang naglalaro kanina at take note, sa crucial parts pa ng game, bad trip! Last but not least umuwi ako only to find out na nawala ang wallet ko!!!! Waaaaaaa!!!! Haaaaaaayyyyyy..... wala namang nawalang pera sa akin e, well aside from the 50 pesos na lucky money sa wallet ko........ Kaso may mga ibang importanteng bagay sa akin dun..... yung wrapper ng gift mo noong christmas(yes tinago ko po ang wrapper) at yung card ng cake nung valentines(tinago ko rin po yun) mga simpleng bagay lang pero sobrang importante sa akin.... kaya nakakainis dahil hindi naman mapagkakakitaan yun e..... sa akin lang may value yun ba't kailangan pa mawala! sigh*........ Aside from that... well actually yun lang yun kaya hindi ako makatulog....

(inhale...exhale) Ayan pwede na akong magkwento, kanina naglagay ako ng picture ng babae sa lamesa ko sa econ. Nag-ukit ako ng picture ng babae sa table ko tapos sa tabi may bulaklak at mariposa. Tapos nilagyan ko ng summer 06-07 na label. Tapos nun nag internet ako sa lab gumawa ng report at lumabas para kumain sa Inengs. After that chinese class, dismissal, faura, lc and finally home kung nasaan ako ngayon nagmumukmok. haaaay buhay, ang daming complexities, d nalang pwedeng simple lahat kailan pa na masakit ang ulo sa kakaisip.

hmmm gagawa siguro ako ng bagong blog, kaso puro writings lang ang laman. Stories, poems, quotes and the like. hehehehe... hmmm I think I'll do that now... hahaha! Ciao! mwah! :)

#1 Bolero ie: mandirigma ng pag-ibig

A few days ago nakachat ko siya[kita]. Sabi niya[mo] sa akin number one bolero talaga ako. Naalala ko tuloy nung highschool ako, sabi sakin ng mga kaibigan ko mandirigma ng pag-ibig, ang kulit talaga nakakatawa. Mahilig kasi akong magsulat at most of the time tunkol sa "love". Nagagawa ko na sumulat hanggang sa masakit na ang ulo ko at nararamdaman ko na ang sinusulat ko. Nasabihan pa nga ako na "I had a way with words" pero yun lang yun. Madali lang talaga magsulat para sa akin, even easier kaysa sabihin. Madalas nakukuha ko ang gustong sabihin ng tao, ang gusto kong sabihin, naisusulat ko para maintindihan ng iba. Pero dahil nakasulat na at nagmukha ng tula nagiging keso na, samantalang totoo namang yun ang nararamdaman.


[So what's the point? The point is, I can write. I can write all I want but maybe it will always just come off as "pambobola" to you, but its true. People can laugh and say cheesy but I know it's the way I feel about you. I can't say it because it's too cheesy and you just might laugh me off but I feel that way.

Sometimes I just don't come close because becuase I want you to have your space. You are very busy and I know that. That's why times only give me the night to send you a message and say goodnight.]

Kaya kong magsulat ng ganito magulo, pero may ibig sabihin. Magulo dahil nasapawan na ng pag-iisip ng manunulat. Hindi naman kailangan pero sadyang ganun lang talaga. Hindi naman ako nambobola hindi ko ginagawang paglalaro ang kakayahan kong magsulat. Hindi ko lang talaga masabi kaya dinadaan ko na lang sa sulat.

[mandrigma nga ba talaga ng pag-ibig? bolero nga ba ako? hindi, sawi lang pero tinulungan mo akong ibaba ang lahat ng dala dala ko sa balikat ko. masaya ako dahil sa'yo, hindi ko man masabi ng diretso. sana alam mo may nagmamahal ng lubusan sa'yo.]

hahahaha! taglish, english at filipino! wahahaha nasisira na ata ang ulo ko! nakikita ba kung gaano ka confused ang utak ko? nyahaha! Ciao! mwah!

wings of angels

There are angels, according to something I've read that have ony one wing. And as such, they cannot fly, they are meant to stay on land, on earth. However these angels, even though they only have one wing found a way to fly. An angel with one wing would find find a partner, one whom could be entrusted with everything. They would then hold hands and together they would soar. An angel with one wing could not fly alone but when it found the right partner their wings would form a pair that could allow them both to fly.

People say that angels are those that protect us. Those that keep us from harm, the two winged angels that would swoop down and save us. I believe however that one winged angels exist, that these angels live amongst us. They live around us each day not knowing that they themselves are angels. They see faults and troubles in themselves but fail to see that one beautiful wing that they lend to others when they help them or when they lend a shoulder to cry on. They give their hearts and yet they do not notice how incredibly angelic their act was. To them, they themselves are only human but if they looked hard enough they might just see that they are angels.

I believe that humans are like these angels if not angels as well. Apart from the fact that one winged angels are gender specific, we as humans also need one another, no man is an island. At one point in time we all need help and we also have the capacity to help each other fly. We all have faults and things we are ashamed of but when we help each other out, we shine, we soar. We reach our dreams and move on and when finally we've found that partner as one winged angels do, we can soar just like angels.

"We are all angels with only one wing. We can only fly while embracing each other."

-Luciano de Crescenzo (italian poet)


Hmmmmm bakit ko kaya naisipang isulat to? ........ Ewan, hahahahaha! Wala lang siguro akong maisip ipost. Ciao!

Lutz=happy=weird

Yesterday I was feeling better than usual, actually I was happy. And people, well some people thought it was freaky. Two said I was weird another said it was ummmm unusual and still others did not believe me. Hahahhahaha! I guess when a person has been depressed for a long time people get accustomed to it, I know I have been for a long time and well it probably stuck to a lot of people, that I am not a happy person eventhough I smile a lot. :) Anyway I am updating my blog now because I woke up late and I missed my class, well I decided to miss my class since I was already 30 mins late. And now I'm writing, and there's so much I want to say here that I don't know where to start, not to mention if I should say anything at all. HAhahaHhahaha!

Thank you for yesterday! Alam ko medyo waste of time talking about random stuff pero masaya ako na ganun. Marami akong gusto sabihin pero hindi ko talaga makuhang sabihin. Kung kailan seryoso dun ako natatawa, sa mga dapat kong sabihin. Feeling ko cheesy, corny o nakakatawa kaya lagi na lang nauuwi sa usapang wala namang pupuntahan. Kaya paumanhin kung gaya ng iba naweirdohan ka rin sa akin. Hindi ko na kasi talaga alam kung papaano dapat gumalaw sa ganitong sitwasyon, matagal na rin kasi. Pero salamat at nakikiride ka naman, salamat sa paghihintay dahil matagal natapos ang aming class. Salamat lang talaga! :)

Lost in Your Eyes - Debbie Gibson

I get lost in your eyes
And I feel my spirits rise
And soar like the wind..
Is it love that I am in?

I get weak in a glance
Isn't this what's called romance?
...And now I know
'Cause when I'm lost I can't let go

I don't mind not knowing what I'm headed for
You can take me to the skies...
It's like being lost in heaven
When I'm lost in your eyes

I just fell, don't know why
Something's there we can't deny...
And when I first knew
Was when I first looked at you

And if I can't find my way
If salvation seems worlds away
Oh, I'll be found
When I am lost in your eyes

I don't mind not knowing what I'm headed for
You can take me to the skies...
Oh it's like being lost in heaven
When I'm lost in your eyes

I get weak in a glance
Isn't this what's called romance?
Oh, I'll be found
When I am lost in your eyes

This song has been bugging me since a few days ago. I wasn't able to find it before but I found it now. Here's the link if you want to hear it or if it's bugging you too coz it's familiar but you can't seem to rememeber it....

http://www.blueyze.com/lostinyoureyes.html

By the way this is the older version, I think there's a new one...
Ciao!

Econ long test...

Woke up today only to remember that I had a long test in econ. I spent all night watching the first season of LOST and I totally forgot about it (ang pro ko talaga). Anyway I just finished the test and I'm in ADMU's com lab. Hmmmm I really can't wait for classes to finish I have ummmm roughly around 6 hours to go. I still have not done my chinese hw, which reminds me I have to do that during the break. Hahaha I actually have a lot to do today, not that any of it matters. Somehow I feel light today and that is very rare. Hahaha so wala na akong masasabi kaya ummm list na lang....

*princess[?]... don't know you pero thanks sa advice.
*KATIPS... I will miss you, binawasan ang baon ko ng half! hahahaha!
*ann... napapadpad ka pa ba sa blog ko? msta na ang states?
*alik... $40 for dota hahahahaha worth it sobra!
*ate weh... hindi kita kialala... I think...
*phoenix... hindi rin kita kilala! hahaha!
*Lutz... tama na ang pag-iisip
*You... Wo zhe de ai ni(di ko pa rin alam ang tamang pinyin nito!) haha!

At sa lahat ng tao, Zaoshang hao!, Zao an! or Ni Zao! whatever you prefer! hahahahaha! Ciao!

So pro lutz........

Today was...... a sucky day, nevermind why, it just was. Boring subjects and boring events = boring day. I spent the entire day waiting for nothing and I gave up time to see nobody. O yes and I feel like shit trying to console myself when I know there is nothing to console myself with. Hahaha! Noobcake, should've seen things coming, so pro!

When you want something so badly, you lose sight of things, specially when they oppose that of which you want. You fail to see signs of danger, fail to understand messages and hints of things you might not want to know, see or understand. This is why I always want people to be truthful to me no matter what. I am prone to this, I am prone to all these faults yet I allowed them to be. You want to know why? It's because I couldn't care less what I felt at a certain point and I probably still don't. People can take advantage of that but I don't care so long as they are close to me. So I want people to tell me how they feel about me or anything else I am concerned with. They need not worry specially when they already know how much I care about them.

Sometimes silence is gold but it can only be so when you've learned to understand that word are not the only way to speak and that silence is not silence when actions say otherwise.

I might think too much, I might be dramatic at times but I am only human and as such is prone to mistakes, misinterpretations and the like so make me understand.... Teach me to smile again... Ciao!

O so early...

I am blogging right now because I should have a 7:30 a.m class but it was cancelled. So now I have 6 hours, 6 HOURS of free time. Anyway my friendster account has a weird way of saying the right things at specific times and it always seems to get facts right about my life..... freaky..... but really it does. Anyway here's what was posted...

The Bottom Line

Today you'll achieve a fullness of life -- just for a moment -- that recharges you.
In Detail

It's not that you're not a philosophical type, it's just that if you see a problem, you like to do something about it. That's a great approach. But if the problem involves one of those more 'let's consider what it might all say about the human condition before we go changing anything' types, you could get frustrated. Do your best and, if you possibly can, try to appreciate their approach too.

Hmmmmm..... now why does that sound familliar? (you should know this) hahahahaha! (Anyway you dont have to tell me to wait, I will doesn't matter how long. But you have to give an answer doesn't matter what answer just an answer is good. ü ) Maybe because I was already told that.... these particular lines were already spoken to me, well maybe not exactly but the essence was the same so It's kinda freaky... Still it's entertaining to see that my horoscope actually is "factual" hahaha! not that I'm the really superstitious type....

And to my econ teacher.... WHY? Bakit ka nag free cut? Bakit ang late mo na sinabi? inaantok pa ko... pero gumising ako para magclass. Only to find out na FREE CUT , so pro, my head hurts. hahahaha! Mwah! Ciao! till the next post, zai jian!

It probably is me.....

I've been making a fuss lately over her[your] not texting me or replying and it hurt so much. I kept on thinking of things like why she[you] wouldn't reply and maybe she is[your're] ignoring me. And maybe she[you] changed I don't know why I thought that, maybe because we used to talk, we used to laugh and lately that hasn't been. So forgive me if I feel depressed like this. Anyway I talked to a friend about it and he told me maybe I'm the one that changed....... and I thought yea maybe it was me then I thought, it was me..... I keep saying we were friends first and we'll always be no matter what but I have been trying to tell her[you] more and maybe she's[you're] not ready for that, maybe she doesn't[you don't] want that, I don't know but I shouldn't keep pushing right? In the end it will always be her[your] decision. I don't need an answer now maybe some other time but whatever it is don't be afraid to be blunt I'd rather it be that way..... So I am sorry if I changed, if I push things, rush things but it's only because when I wasn't sure I was going to stay, I realised I had to tell her[you]. I didn't mean to push [her]you away with my words, I don't want to push her[you] away.... so sorry, really I am. Sorry for embarrassing her[you] countless times with my endless drama here and sorry if I have made her[you] uncomfortabe around me, that's the least thing I want to do.......

To the confidant that told me that maybe it was me.... thank you.... sometimes I lose sight of things that are so easy to see because I just want to see something I want.... no, need. Thank you so much for being patient enough to endure me blabber about my problems I know you have yours too....

Also to my lil sis thank you for everything. How you cheer me up when I am depressed is miraculous. It's amazing what ice cream can do when you're having it while talking to the right person. Sorry for bringing you into this mess I made, making you listen to me and my confused remarks. Thank you.

And to all other people there thank you for everything. I promise to be a little more cheery if there's such a thing for me. So I'm not depressed all the time.

Ciao!

sorry

sorry

Summer time.....

I'm here to stay.....
Then again, it doesn't feel like much.
I still feel lost or at least like I'm still missing something.

Nevermind I have summer classes. Two to be precise and my schedule is the bomb! I have eco102 at 7:30-9:00 A.M. and then flc at 1:30-3:00 P.M. NyaHaHAhAHhaHAHhHAhAhAHhaaHHaAHa! My schedule is so PRO! Damnit! Back to waking up so early in the morning.

One other thing I don't have any classmates from my block! whooopppeeeeeee solo mode for the summer. I don't even have anything to do or anyone to hang with during my FOUR HOUR, THIRTY MINUTE BREAK gawd I really have a nice schedule. On the upside though I'm still here to stay. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing though. I have more time to try and tell her[you] how I feel then again I'd just have as many more times to mess it up. Also hmmmm nevermind, not here.... hahahahaha!

Damn is already 6 hafta get ready for class!
TCCIC mwaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! hahahahahaha! Ciao!

"Appeals"

Well it's official now. I have to make letters of appeal because I did not meet the required qpi for this year. This really sucks because one, everything has been sucky lately and two she has[you have] not replied to any of my messages. I know, I might be paranoid, I know I just might be thinking too much but it would be nice to hear from her[you]. I don't know if I'll make it through this year, it's an appeal so there's a chance it won't be accepted. This bothers me not because it plain sucks but because well I won't have a chance to tell her[you] what I've wanted to, since the start of second sem. Another thing is that, well my enrollment for summer is on the 17th and deliberations are on the 18th so what does that mean? If my deliberations don't go well(I hope it does though) then what did I enroll summer for? It defeats the purpose of me taking up summer. Sigh* here I go again thinking too much.

[For her(you)]
You know, this wouldn't have been a problem weeks even months back. I was carefree, I didn't care and I just lived because I wanted to. You changed all that, you made me care, you made me want to be more, you made me think about what is to be....... THANK YOU. I don't know why you haven't been talking to me, replying to my messages but please, if you somehow stumble upon this I want you to know I love you. I might not be around next year so I want to tell you now. I'll call you later and I'll tell you, so please just listen and understand what I have to say. I'm sorry.... I really am but I need you to at least talk to me so that even if I don't make it I'd be glad because I met you, you changed me and I am thankful for that. I don't want to go on loose ends with you so please talk to me... please...

On another note I hope this doesn't happen I want so much to go on. I've been talking a lot about leaving already but the truth is I don't want to. And it pains me to go through this. I wish I hadn't screwed things up. I wish they'd give me another chance.....

If things don't work out this will probably be my last post here....
Ciao!

what's wrong?

What's wrong?
Please tell me...
You were so sweet...
And now,
You don't even bother,
To notice me...
I just want to know...
What you feel,
Like I said...
We were friends first...
And that will always hold true...
You don't have,
To keep things from me...
You should know by now,
I love you,
Even when you...
Won't love me...

So please just tell me...
You have nothing to lose...
Just a few minutes of your time,
and I'll be as I was if you want me to...

Suteki da ne

I've been listening to this song over and over again the past few days and I couldn't really get why. It just made me feel a certain way, like I was chasing after a dream. So I searched the net for the translation of the song and well here it is just see for yourselves....

Suteki da ne(japanese)
kaze ga yoseta kotoba ni
oyoida kokoro
kumo ga hakobu ashita ni
hazunda koe

tsuki ga yureru kagami ni
furueta kokoro
hoshi ga nagare koboreta
yawarakai namida

suteki da ne
futari te wo tori aruketa nara
ikitai yo
kimi no machi ie ude no naka

sono mune
karada azuke
yoi ni magire
yumemiru

kaze wa tomari kotoba wa
yasashii maboroshi
kumo wa yabure ashita wa
tooku no koe

tsuki ga nijimu kagami wo
nagareta kokoro
hoshi ga yurete koboreta
kakusenai namida

suteki da ne
futari te wo tori aruketa nara
ikitai yo
kimi no machi ie ude no naka

sono kao
sotto furete
asa ni tokeru
yumemiru

Isn't it beautiful(english)

My heart was swimming
in words gathered by the wind
My voice bounded
into a cloud-carried tomorrow

My heart trembled
in the moon-swayed mirror
Soft tears
spilled with a stream of stars

Isn't it beautiful?
If we could walk, hand in hand,
I'd want to go
to your town, your home, in your arms

I dream of being
against your chest
my body in your keeping
disappearing into the evening

Words halted by wind are
a gentle illusion
A tomorrow torn by clouds is
the voice of a distant place

My heart that had been
in a moon-blurred mirror that flowed
Those stars that trembled and spilled
cannot hide my tears

Isn't it beautiful?
If we could walk, hand in hand,
I'd want to go
to your town, your home, in your arms

My dream of
your face
that I softly touch
melts in the morning

Well that's that. Ciao!

Waiting...

It's been almost a week now. I miss her[you], didn't know you were going on a faraway trip. Hahahaha then again why'd she[you] need to tell me anyway. It's ok though I'm still waiting coz, well that's all I can do. Anyway about 2 or three days ago I sent her[you] something and well I thought she[you] just ignored it. Turns out she[you] didn't, that made me smile well after depressing me making me nearly cry. Hahaaha wuss! O well, I'm glad she[you] received it and that she[you] accepted it.

So she'll[you'll] be here after holy week. I'll be waiting for that, I have been for quite a while now. She's[you have] been busy for quite the longest time now and I miss her[you]. I know, I know it's only been ummm 5 days but I can't help it, I just do. I remember that last day with her[you], she was[you were] waiting for someone and I stayed with her[you] chatting small talk. That was probably nothing but I enjoyed that and well I want that. So I'm just going to be here for now, till she returns[you return] and then well let's just see what happens.

Still waiting....
Ciao!

A song for you......

My friend asked me to make a song so that he could sing it to his special someone....So I made this but as I did, it was her[you] on my mind..... I just wanted to share that thought.... here it is...

To stay by your side
By: Lutz

You’ve always been here
A friend by my side
Yet something makes you dear
Like a pearl in the tides

I have longed to speak to you
To say my lines are true
I have longed to speak to you
Yet I do so without you

I am here as always
Waiting beside you
As my heart prays
I’ll be here for you

I know I am your friend
And I will always be
On till the end
I know what I am to be

I have longed to speak my words
To say such lines that make you mine
I have longed to speak my words
Yet I do so silently divine

I am here as always
Waiting beside you
As my heart prays
I’ll be here for you

And so I tell you
My pearl of the tides
I’ll be a friend for you
To stay by your side


Ciao! miss ya! mwah!

One fine day

This day as I said is one fine day. It started out bad, I found out that my test was scheduled for another day and I went to school because of it. But it was worth it. I learned a bit on itm and best of all I found out she[you] were going to take your test today so I was happy I was going to see her[you]..... I had no reason to until she[you] told me to bring her[your] test paper, I went back home from katipunan just to have a reason to meet with her[you] and it was worth it. She didn't[you don't} know it but she[you] made my day with her[your] smile, and though I know I am far from what I know she[you]love and deserve, I smiled. Knowing it was her[you] I was with, made my day end with a smile on my face as she[you] stepped into her[your] taxi to go home. I love her[you]and that need not change. No matter what she decides[you decide] I'll still be around, I am her[your] friend first before anything else and if it's just days like this that I have to spend with you, I will. [Thank you for making me smile, i had nothing else to look forward to today :)]

Home at last...

I went to batangas 2 days ago with the blockies. It was really fun but it would've been a lot better if she was[you were] there. Anyway there were 13 of us.... I think, and we got there at around 4-5 pm. We unpacked and headed the pool then to the beach after which we went back to the pool again because the beach was not sandy... it was made up of broken corals and shells which hurt when you walk on. hahaha! But still it was fun trying to walk there without slippers, I couldn't take it so I went back to get mine. By the time we were done swimming.... I dunno if we were ever done but when most of us were not swimming anymore we sat down to eat at which time I broke out the gin and mixers which I, Bin and Mao gulped down. It was still early then so we or rather they decided to sing karaoke first before drinking the rest of the beer, cruiser and lambanog. We sang our hearts out and laughed and enjoyed. After which we drank and went up the tree house for the ritual bonding/sharing time of the block at which time everyone was suppossed to say something. So they did and we talked more then we went down to finish our drinks this is when the girls special mention Tin hahahaha drank lamabanog mixed with sprite, said it tasted like ice candy. hahahaha We had a lot of fun and when it was all over we slept or actually they forced me to share. I did vaguely that is, I wouldn't want them to know, not unless she[you] want them to. I shared until we were all sleepy in the vagueness of my story the we slept.

The next day I woke up early at around 830am after sleeping at 4-5am. I walked out of our room and drank coffee to "wake" me up. Everyone else woke up at around 9-10 at which time we had our beakfast and then proceeded to the pool. Hahahaha! We swam until we realized we had no water left to take a bath in. So we had to make do with what we had before we headed home (mineral water bath). :) After everything we headed to katipunan, we stopped over at at gas station to eat and the proceeded to katips. Where finally I was able to go home after getting my hair cut which by the way almost got me caught, and get a good rest.

By the way, she[you] texted me and asked me to bring her[your] test paper to g4. Sorry I wasn't able to do so, we got back late at around 5 so I had to hurry home or else I would've gotten caught. I really wanted to go, sorry I wasn't able to.... I'll just bring it some other time..... Ciao!

My very useless day

Today I went to school to attend zero classes! Thanks for not reminding me it was free cut the whole day! On the up side however I was able to see her[you] even for just a while and return her[your] o so precious flash drive, hahahahaha kidding! Anway I did that and ummm helped someone out with his ummmm delivery problem. hehe :) After that I went to LC to leave him to his duties.... And now I am here updating my blog and I don't know what else to write the highlight of my day was when I saw her[you] smile and laugh at my butterfly bag telling me to change it. hehe :) Sigh* shouldn't have left so quick.... then again she[you] had classes. This is depressing me! hahaha but I don't want to think about it, the other night I was treading deadly waters with my thoughts again and well I don't want to go there. All I want is to stay happy the way I am when I see her[you] smile, and that's what I'm trying to do........ Still I do get depressed specially when I start thinking of things that are a tad too much on the paranoid side. When you don't reply or tell me you're busy and it keeps happening I start thinking maybe you don't want to reply, maybe you don't want to go and it makes me think again even when I don't want to. And it goes on until the next time I see you smile then I say to myself it's fine, she's[you are] happy.

It's things like these that make me wish people could just say what's on their mind so I don't have to guess and guess about so many things. I know I can be like that but I just wish people weren't, so I don't have to be. I love her[you], so even if she decides[you decide] she doesn't[you don't] like me. I'd step back, that doesn't mean I don't love her[you] it simply means I give her[you] what she wants [you want] and that's the truth. Ciao!

I'm tired but its ok

I just finished 5 pages of fil paper. Hahaha and my head hurts. It doesn't matter though I feel strangely light. Hahaha, must have something to do with the people I was chatting with.... her[you]. Why won't she[you] tell me what food she[you] like? I'm having a hard time figuring this out but hell it's fine with me. :) I was suppossed to end this with a depressing poem again but ummm maybe next time my night is quite good for now.... hahaha! Hmmm well I'm tired so I'll end this one rather quickly besides I want to go home already, she[you] are already offline anyway. :) So to all those reading have a wonderful night! Goodnight and Sweetdreams! Ciao!

something to write about

Hmmm what do i have to write about tonight? ......
nothing actually,I don't really want to think much about what's
happening lately. That is simply because, I THINK TOO MUCH. Nevermind
that I seem to be the dumbass that sits beside some smart person in
school, I have a lot of things on my mind actually too much for me to handle.
which is probably why I'm srewing up big time. Doesn't seem to matter much though
well at least not until a few weeks ago.... nevermind that. That will make me think again, I'll reserve that for some other time. HahahAhahaHAhaHa! Anyway today, I sucked at another math LT, like that needs to be mentioned, hahaha and ummm I watched a fairly good play by some of my blockies. Other than that..... ummm wait I actually sent a rose again hahahaha don't really know where that will get me though hahahaha! hope she [you] even "consider" me. hahahhaahaha but if not that's fine I love her [you] just the same anyway. And now, since I haven't made a poem recently I'll post lyrics to a song that I've taken a shine to....

Have I told you
by: Rod Stewart

Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no one else above you
Fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness
Ease my troubles, that's what you do

For the morning sun and all its glory
Meets the day with hope and comfort too
You fill my life with laughter, somehow you make it better
Ease my troubles, that's what you do

There's a love that's defined
And it's yours and it's mine like the sun
And at the end of the day
We should give thanks and pray to the one, to the one

Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no one else above you
Fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness
Ease my troubles, that's what you do

There's a love that's defined And it's yours and it's mine like the sun
And at the end of the day
We should give thanks and pray to the one, to the one

And have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no one else above you
You fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness
Ease my troubles, that's what you do
Take away all my sadness, fill my life with gladness
Ease my troubles, that's what you do
Take away all my sadness, fill my life with gladness
Ease my troubles, that's what you do

Ciao!

no more? yea right!

One more entry on poetry, why does it feel so cold in the middle of a scorching day?

"I'm Sorry"

I'm saying sorry to you
for the things I don't do
saying sorry to you
If i've got nothing, to you

Sorry if I don't make you smile
more than once in a while
Sorry I'm not your style
I can't even walk your mile

So sorry if I said I love you
when you didn't want me to
Sorry it was me, I told you
when it was someone else you wanted to

Sorry I had to tell you
I didn't know what to do
Sorry I love you
so much, so true

Maybe that's why. Well what's done is done and can't be undone. Life goes on and on for I wonder how long. I'll be glad anyway just to see you smile. Ciao! oh and just so you know, I do still love you.......

boring day

Nothing much happened today, except that I saw so many sweet people while walking around. People in the classroom, people in the walkway at sec, people at the caf... people everywhere. Everyone seems to be in love including me.... but I am a weak link and thus is excluded from this list. In line with that I'd like to share a few lines from the lyrics of songs I've been listening to lately......

have I told you lately that I love you ...

panalangin ko sa habang buhay ...

nakakainggit tl ang sweet nila ng kaniyang nobyo ...

and lastly

tumatakbo ang oras naiiwanan na ako ng panahon ...

These are from different songs that I've been listening to over and over again, just wanted to share. God why am I such a LOSER? Ciao!

Not again

Why is it so hard to say how you feel? It's so easy to joke around and say things like I'm in love with you but when it really counts and when you really mean it, you stutter and a whole lot of dumb comes out of your mouth.

I met her [you] a while ago and I was like I said suppossed to tell her [you] how I felt.... surprise, surprise! I wasn't able to do it. Why? because she [you] were with your friend and I was too much of a wuss to say it in front of her. Why do I torment myself with these things, I just want her [you] to know how much I feel for her [you].

So what did I do? I walked with you and walked and walked and we talked a bit. Until we got to where we were supossed to go and well that was it. I wanted to hold your hand back then but I was afraid to.... WUSS! There were so many things I wanted to tell you but I was afraid your friend might hear.... So I just kept walking waiting for an opportunity but I wasn't given one.... your friend received a call and we had to go back so you could do your paper...... sigh*

Anyway if you're reading this ummm I know what you were saying a while ago.... I'm not a complete idiot. Ni ai wo? I know, I know of course I know coz it's true... Wo ai ni, je taime or whatever the hell language you want to use... it's true I just can't find the right time and place to say those words to you...... but I hope I do before everything ends up too late..... Ciao!

Stupid move

Yesterday I was supossed to talk to someone but I went home early coz I had to. Actually that day I didn't go to any of my classes. I was supposed to go to one but it was a free cut for that subject... hahaha! waste of time! .... not actually I had lunch with her and that made the day worth while still I wonder if she knows how I feel already.... I mean I did say it was me who gave her flowers but thats just it they're just flowers nothing more well I want them to be more... Shit shouldn't have gone home early even though my parents warned me not to stay out late again like the other night. I really had to go home early, still it felt like shit! I did not want to go home because I had something to tell her and I've been psyching myself up for it for about a week already.... only for it to be postponed to.... well today..... Shouldn't have stayed up the other night. This would have been done by now.... Now I feel like my head's about to explode and I'm getting the feeling I shouldn't push through.... Still I have to, I want to, that way she knows, and I'm honest about how I feel. Damn! I'm depressing myself again..... oh well I'm gonna see her later anyway, actually that's the only thing I'm going to do today.... hope she understands what I'm going to say.... Ciao!

My friend

I made this for you but ummm I think I'm not qualified to say such things just yet. Still I think I mean every word.... no, I mean every word. I guess I just can't say these things just yet so I'll just leave them here for now........

Read this and know that I love you,
then you can't ever say I never told you.
But then what would be the point?
I know I'm not worth your time,
but realize you're worth all of mine.
So what would be the point?
I don't know if I should tell you
or if ever I could tell you.
The point is I've fallen and I'm afraid,
afraid because I'm not good enough,
not even nearly enough.
But I want you to know how I feel.
So know this, as I say I love you,
believe that it's you
and I will never let you fall,
nor slip,
nor cry,
without ever having me to hang on to.
It's all I can do.
I will always be here for you,
through and through ...
I love you ...

hmmmm sorry I just stood there doing nothing.... I could've done something. Be sweet or at least have said something.... but no... I had to just stand there and be silent stupid move.....
Anyway I hope you know it's me by now and hope you know it's you that I'm talking about.... Ciao!